Perfectionism and Spirituality

As a tarot teacher and spiritual guide, the question comes up over and over again... "am I doing it wrong?" The funny thing about this, is there is no possibility for right or wrong when it comes to spiritual connection, it becomes more of a matter of "are you feeling it or not?"

I have read a lot of books and blogs... I have talked to a lot of people, and the one thing that always comes up is that spiritual connection sometimes happens seemingly out of nowhere... and sometimes when we try the hardest to create it, its nowhere to be found.

Sure, we can create a conscious connection by creating space, adding rituals to our lives, and consciously seeking, but the one thing I have seen over and over again is that:


A lot of times with perfectionism comes this mentality of all or nothing. It's not about getting it perfect or consistently practicing, it's about continuing to seek and continuing to allow yourself to be a flawed human being who is doing the best they can.

I can't tell you what the best way for you to feel the connection is, but I can share my guidelines for creating this feeling for myself.

1. Take the pressure off

If I take something too seriously, I can't enjoy it. And if I don't enjoy it, there's no way I will have positive feelings connected to it.

In my early days of "figuring out this spiritual journey" (I quote it because seriously who ever really figures it out??) I would read at least five blog posts, ask four friends, and find at least two youtube videos. I would then try to incorporate every single idea on how to do this ritual into one single session. It became so stressful that I couldn't be in the present moment. I was asking myself did I light this candle in the right order? I was so worried about the fear of not being good enough, or not doing this ritual well enough to be successful... and there it was. I realized that by setting all of these expectations of how it was suppose to go, I set myself up for failure right from the start.

One thing I took away from this time in my life is that it is my birthright to connect whenever and HOWEVER I want. I would pull a daily tarot card every morning on my way to work at my corporate job. Half of the time I was in such a rush that I forgot to set my intentions and would pull the card, snap a picture with my phone and run out the door. I realized during this time that it doesn't matter how I do it, just that I do. All of these daily cards brought messages, they gave me a topic for guidance to meditate on in my car, and most importantly there were never any fancy rules attached.

2. Find balance

We are both spiritual beings, and human. We cannot be one or the other and find complete harmony we need to balance the two.

I desperately wanted to be one of those spiritual gurus that have the luxury to spend an hour meditating every morning, followed by yoga and wrapped up with a healthy breakfast and a personal tarot reading. While I do make time for my spiritual practices, I found that balance isn't always structured. Some mornings it's a five-minute meditation, reading a one-page devotional and off I go - other days it's an hour's worth of tapping in after a long day. When, how, or what you do isn't important, what's essential is prioritizing even a small amount of time every day for growth and spiritual development, while allowing myself to be human and enjoy this earthly experience. Some days balance is 20/80 and then 70/30, be gentle with yourself and let yourself to be flexible enough to flow through life.

3. Take it or leave it

I am a big believer in trying different things and allowing ourselves to make a decision based on how it feels.

I can't tell you how many "things" I have tried! I have always been open and willing to work with new spiritual techniques, rituals, or ideas, and allowing my energy to decide if it is a fit for me.

  • Does this feel good?

  • Am I doing this to go through the motions, or does this stir up energy inside of me?

  • Am I excited to try this again?

Life isn't meant to be difficult, and when we follow whats fun, easy, or exciting we know we are on the right path.

I try a lot of things and if I like part of it I take it and leave the rest. It can be entertaining it incorporate new aspects to old rituals. It expands our mind to continue adding, and it gives us the stepping stones to more significant revelations!

In case you were waiting for permission...

Be Messy, Be Human, Do it Your way!



Sheaya Biddle