Dating Lesson 7: Don't bleed all over the people you love because you are unwilling to address and heal your wounds.
Ready 4 Love Masterclass launches 02/03/2019! Until then enjoy my dating failure stories, and if any of this makes you laugh or is relatable... feel free to comment!
It's not fair, and although this person might love you, they can't fix it for you... even if they want to.
I dated this wonderful man who was passionate, giving, and socially outgoing. He had an energy about him that made everyone happy just being around him. It's no wonder that I attracted him to my life during this time. I needed the bright light that he freely shared with everyone, but I didn't realize that my darkness would dim his fire and make his world more difficult.
At the time I was deeply hurting inside. I didn't know how to fix it, and my only solution was to drink. Every waking hour that wasn't spent at work I was drinking to change the way I felt.
Beers with co-workers after work, wine at home, you know to "wind down".
I drank because I had a "good" day, and I drank because I had an awful day.
I had a reason for every drink I took, and I could justify all of them.
To say the least, this wasn't one bit helpful for my relationship. This man could feel my hurt but couldn't do anything to change it.
He came up with a lot of suggestions, none of which I was ready to take action on. I shot down every offer he made, and I could see his frustration growing.
He could see a bigger plan, he could see the way out, but I was still convinced that I would be stuck in the dark place forever.
What I didn't know at the time is that we can hold space for each other, we can love each other through it, but there is nothing we can do to help someone when they aren't ready.
There is nothing we can do to fix each other's wounds. I can put a bandaid on your wound, but I can't force you to tend the wound and ensure it heals.
A relationship is two people working on healing themselves and chasing their goals individually while having goals together that they work towards as a team.
He couldn't make me happy, no matter how hard he tried, and it was up to me to prove to myself that happiness could even exist.